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Saturday, May 3, 2014

Guess who's back... Back again... Lily's back, tell some friends

I really need to stop going so long without updating you guys about what's going on... For those of you who have stuck around during the accidental hiatus, thank you very much, and I'm sorry for the long break, it will be explained. This entry is going to explain a bit, and it'll be short-ish for now, but I am going to be updating more.

Alright, so I guess I should begin with the fact that I officially have my laptop back from the pawn shop after almost a year of it being in there.  I put it in there on 10-17-13 and got it out on 9-12-14. I hadn't planned on getting it out when I did but Nojuan's laptop won't even turn on anymore, so I had to get mine out ASAP.

Dylan is no longer my manager and hasn't been since May, maybe June at the latest, because he couldn't handle all of the crap Jenny was putting him through. Kandice became my manager and we'll talk more about her in the next entry. My new manager is... Tanner. I mentioned him forever ago and I didn't like him much then, but now I do. Again, that's a discussion for the next entry.

One thing I want to talk about involving Tanner though, is the fact that under his leadership I have become one of the store's assisstant managers! I'm actually on the track to becoming a GM for Domino's, and I only need to learn schedule making and how to do the Profit and Loss (PNL) paperwork at the end of every week. Other than that I'm almost a store manager and I have Tanner of all people to thank for that.

I need to get back into blogging because I found out that I have a personality disorder, ontop of my PTSD, and my shrink suggested I get back into blogging because it will be a therapy for when I can't see her. So, the app has been downloaded on my phone again and I'm going to update more often.

I have some stuff I need to do tonight so I have to cut this short, but as I said, I will be updating more often now.

Signing off,
Lily

Friday, May 2, 2014

I just need to get this out there really quickly because I have stuff to do, but I just found out that Gary Oldman played Mason Verger in Hannibal.... My brain just exploded.

I'll be back later.

Signing off,
Lily

I have to talk about this... A friend of mine has been openly Transgendered since '06, and I'm happily the one he chose to come out to before everyone else. We had only been friends for 9 years at the time, and we're still friends, going on year 17 as of this June. I would not change one thing about him. He is my friend, no matter what he is because of who he is.

Until he came out to me, I honestly didn't know there was such a thing as Trans, because I was raised in a horrible home. Racism, homophobia, ignorance. It was all constantly shoveled down my throat but none of it stuck because my Grandfather made sure it didn't. From the time he came out to me, I accepted my friend, and something else happened...

I felt my heart break when certain events came from his coming out. It showed me what some Trans people go through with their friends and families, and I cried. I didn't just cry for him, I cried for others like them. I feel so horrible that those out there have to live in bodies not right for them just because their genetics went wonky on them and threw a curve ball they weren't expecting. I hate what all of them have to go through because it's not fair dammit.

And then today.... I found out that the people I have been fighting for, and standing besides, have started a new movement. Cishet hate... Why? Yeah, some of us are assholes and treat them like shit, but there are people like me. People who stick by them and protect them as much as we can.

I know not all Trans-folk are like that, but to those that are, why do this? There are plenty of support groups out there, and plenty of people who love you. You don't want people to hate you for how you were born, why do it to someone else? People on both sides of the line need to stop this kind of stupid behavior and accept one another as we wish others would accept us.

Signing off,
Lily

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

You know, sometimes I get an unexpected reality check about the oddest of things. This morning, on my way in to work to open the store, we passed this house. It's run down, needs to be torn down, but recently someone put some graffiti on it. I see it, and I'm just looking at it like, "Well that's a shame."

But to my left, in the driver's seat, the guy I get my rides from, Gary, pops out with a prize line. "They need to tear that place down." Well yeah.... "Damn Mexicans spray painted all over the damn place." Wait....what? o.0?

Where the hell did that come from? It doesn't stop there. He goes on a small tangent about the Mexicans spray painting, only doing it in Spanish, and you can't understand it if you're American. The whole time I'm so caught off guard by what I'm hearing that I just don't know what to say... I manage to chime in that it could just be some kids, but he directs it back to not understanding what the Mexicans are trying to tell people with the spray painting.

"Are they telling rival gangs something?" ---- How did that used to be the norm? I think the better question is, why is this kind of ignorance still around?

My grandfather would be older than Gary if he were still alive, and HE raised me with a completely opposite view of the world. So why is someone from a younger generation displaying this ignorance? I just don't get it...

Anyway, we're close to work now so I have to go.

Signing off,
Lily

Monday, April 28, 2014

Honestly, all I feel is pain. My lower back went out around 10am (EST) and my upper went out around 2pm. It's now 11:40pm and I'm still in pain, only it's spread.

I'll be blogging tomorrow. I'm going to be doing one of the exercises my shrink wants me to do. It's going to look weird, but I review my blog sometimes so it'll be better for me to do it this way.

Signing off for now,
Lily

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Things are not going the way I would like them to right now...

I found out a week ago that Wells Fargo bought out my family's home from underneath them after a battle lasting over few months. My gram and mom had been trying to sell the house for more than what they owed on the mortgage so they could have some kind of moving expense, but every time they had someone willing to pay just that, WF would cockblock and end the sale. Now, they decided to amp up the douchebag nature the company by paying EXACTLY what was owed for the house, meaning somehow with no money my family had to move to Indiana.

How the Hell is that going to work?

So Friday night my mom called me and told me that they're going to be here today/Sunday... Come again? Apparently what my mom neglected to tell me when she spoke to me a week ago, was that WF was giving them 7 days to get out of the house, but they have to be back in May to pick up the $802 (USD) check they managed to get WF to give them to move on.

So I had to rush make plans to be able to find a place to store my stuff, which luckily Nojuan's dad and brother are willing to let us store the stuff in their basement since they don't use it. But right now I'm having a bit of a depression creep up on me.

You see, I may not have a car right now, but until the house got bought out from beneath them, I knew that when I got a car I would be able to go down to FL and see my grandmother. But now, getting up to IN to see her is going to be a bit more difficult. I could make a foolish 2 days off trip down to FL for a short visit. If I were to try to visit her in IN, then it would have to be a few more days off of work, and I can't really afford that until I start making more money.

Of course I could make a 4 day trip work out by requesting off the last 2 days of one work week, and the first 2 days of the next. But anything more than that and my checks would diminish drastically for that period. But aside from that, it'll be the official last time in God knows how long that I get to see my Uncle Mark. He and I are close, but he's too busy to try to sync up a visit with. I haven't seen him since 2009 as it is. Now I'm looking at longer. It's just too much for me... Thank the Gods I have my next shrink appointment on Wednesday.

I never though I would find myself actually looking forward to the visit coming sooner so that I can try to work through the problems going on in my head. But here I am, wishing it was Wednesday so I can talk to my Doctor.

Anyway, I need to get to bed so I can open tomorrow. I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes.

Signing off,
Lily

Monday, April 14, 2014

So I had my appointment with the doctor today... She was surprisingly a lot easier to talk to than I thought she would be, given my prior past attempt at seeing a shrink. I have to let her know on Friday what my next free day would be to see her, and I don't mind that as I much as I expected myself to.

I'm not going to go into details, but the bottom line is that it went good.

Honestly, I'm tired, so I don't feel like saying a lot, I just wanted you all to know that I'm doing okay, and I had my appointment today.

I'll write more another time, when I'm not feeling this drained.

Signing off,
Lily