You know, sometimes I get an unexpected reality check about the oddest of things. This morning, on my way in to work to open the store, we passed this house. It's run down, needs to be torn down, but recently someone put some graffiti on it. I see it, and I'm just looking at it like, "Well that's a shame."

But to my left, in the driver's seat, the guy I get my rides from, Gary, pops out with a prize line. "They need to tear that place down." Well yeah.... "Damn Mexicans spray painted all over the damn place." Wait....what? o.0?

Where the hell did that come from? It doesn't stop there. He goes on a small tangent about the Mexicans spray painting, only doing it in Spanish, and you can't understand it if you're American. The whole time I'm so caught off guard by what I'm hearing that I just don't know what to say... I manage to chime in that it could just be some kids, but he directs it back to not understanding what the Mexicans are trying to tell people with the spray painting.

"Are they telling rival gangs something?" ---- How did that used to be the norm? I think the better question is, why is this kind of ignorance still around?

My grandfather would be older than Gary if he were still alive, and HE raised me with a completely opposite view of the world. So why is someone from a younger generation displaying this ignorance? I just don't get it...

Anyway, we're close to work now so I have to go.

Signing off,
Lily

Honestly, all I feel is pain. My lower back went out around 10am (EST) and my upper went out around 2pm. It's now 11:40pm and I'm still in pain, only it's spread.

I'll be blogging tomorrow. I'm going to be doing one of the exercises my shrink wants me to do. It's going to look weird, but I review my blog sometimes so it'll be better for me to do it this way.

Signing off for now,
Lily

Things are not going the way I would like them to right now...

I found out a week ago that Wells Fargo bought out my family's home from underneath them after a battle lasting over few months. My gram and mom had been trying to sell the house for more than what they owed on the mortgage so they could have some kind of moving expense, but every time they had someone willing to pay just that, WF would cockblock and end the sale. Now, they decided to amp up the douchebag nature the company by paying EXACTLY what was owed for the house, meaning somehow with no money my family had to move to Indiana.

How the Hell is that going to work?

So Friday night my mom called me and told me that they're going to be here today/Sunday... Come again? Apparently what my mom neglected to tell me when she spoke to me a week ago, was that WF was giving them 7 days to get out of the house, but they have to be back in May to pick up the $802 (USD) check they managed to get WF to give them to move on.

So I had to rush make plans to be able to find a place to store my stuff, which luckily Nojuan's dad and brother are willing to let us store the stuff in their basement since they don't use it. But right now I'm having a bit of a depression creep up on me.

You see, I may not have a car right now, but until the house got bought out from beneath them, I knew that when I got a car I would be able to go down to FL and see my grandmother. But now, getting up to IN to see her is going to be a bit more difficult. I could make a foolish 2 days off trip down to FL for a short visit. If I were to try to visit her in IN, then it would have to be a few more days off of work, and I can't really afford that until I start making more money.

Of course I could make a 4 day trip work out by requesting off the last 2 days of one work week, and the first 2 days of the next. But anything more than that and my checks would diminish drastically for that period. But aside from that, it'll be the official last time in God knows how long that I get to see my Uncle Mark. He and I are close, but he's too busy to try to sync up a visit with. I haven't seen him since 2009 as it is. Now I'm looking at longer. It's just too much for me... Thank the Gods I have my next shrink appointment on Wednesday.

I never though I would find myself actually looking forward to the visit coming sooner so that I can try to work through the problems going on in my head. But here I am, wishing it was Wednesday so I can talk to my Doctor.

Anyway, I need to get to bed so I can open tomorrow. I'll keep you guys posted on how it goes.

Signing off,
Lily

So I had my appointment with the doctor today... She was surprisingly a lot easier to talk to than I thought she would be, given my prior past attempt at seeing a shrink. I have to let her know on Friday what my next free day would be to see her, and I don't mind that as I much as I expected myself to.

I'm not going to go into details, but the bottom line is that it went good.

Honestly, I'm tired, so I don't feel like saying a lot, I just wanted you all to know that I'm doing okay, and I had my appointment today.

I'll write more another time, when I'm not feeling this drained.

Signing off,
Lily

Okay, so one of the things I was supposed to do today was go get some food for the place, and to do this, I had to get a ride from Gary. And everything was fine until we had to go through downtown Kennesaw, to avoid the parking lot that was Cobb Pkwy, and in downtown Kennesaw, there is a semi-famous building, seen below.

If you look in the top/middle of the picture, you'll see a flag pole, but the flag is cut out; it's a black flag.

First off, to see for yourself, go to Google Maps and look up the address: 2879 S Main St, Kennesaw, GA 30144. Go to street view and take a look. If you went, welcome back. If you didn't go, then let's continue.

Anywho, when we started going through downtown Kennesaw, Gary started talking about a business that's been in trouble with the county before about being told to clean the property up and get rid of all of the "Redneck" and "racist" material or face trouble. I'm thinking to myself, "I used to make deliveries all up and down this road, what place could be that bad to cause a problem?" As we come around the curve of the road, there is is.

Dent Meyers Civil War Surplus and Herb Shop.... You can find an article about it here. The writer is a bit -eh- but the article gets the point across about the guy. And Gary is wrong.

While we're driving by, Gary points out the black flag and says, "It's a sign that they don't want black people in there." Until today I had never even noticed the flag, because who really looks at a building just to look at their flags? But when Gary says this, all I can do is wonder if the owner knows this, if it's true, and a whole bunch of other things, so I decided I would look that up when I got home.  During this time Gary starts talking again about all the Confederate "junk" and "clutter" all over the place, saying it should be cleaned up and taken down. The thing is, though, as soon as I saw what building he was talking about, I realized that I've been in that building. It's basically a freaking museum dedicated to our history. Yes, some of the stuff is racist, but then again, in our history, the South has always been the more racist part of the country when it boils down to North or South. There are bound to be racist things in there.

Not only that, but the Confederate memorabilia, not junk, that is posted outside is done in a very tasteful manner to properly display the piece. It's not cluttered about, or just....UGH, it frustrated me to hear such ignorance. This made me just want to look into what the black flag meant, because if he had these wrong notions about the store, what else was he wrong about? So I did.

It's better to read the article above before reading the article to the right. ---->This is the truth about the black flag.<---- Part of me wants to tell Gary the truth, because no one should walk around being that ill-informed. But the other part of me thinks he would stand to listen to anything I have to say in the matter. He was too damned determined sounding when he was speaking. You know that tone, the one that says the person with it won't listen to anything you have to say.

On a lighter note, I don't know if any of my fellow Cumbercookies read this blog or not, but you should watch the videos below and smile as much as I do when I watch them.

God, that wink at the end... Damn bastard.

Hope you all enjoyed the videos as much as I did. Well, thanks for giving me someone to rant to, I definitely needed it. That rant had been building up all day long and it just had to come out. Until next time folks!

Signing off,

Lily

So I have a few things I need to do today again, but I wanted to pop in real quick to share something with you. It's a video that is very well done, and it is a bit dark. It does poke at religious people, but it also tells a very good story, and one that should be learned. That being said, please watch the video.

So, if you did see it, what did you think? I absolutely fell in love with it because of how well it was done in general. The story being properly portrayed made it even better. The fact that the Undertaker was whistling "Itsy Bitsy Spider" at the end was an awesome addition.

Anyway I'm going to get to work on my stuff. I might be back later.

Signing off,
Lily

So it's 6 days until my meeting with Dr. Wendell, and I've caught myself intentionally not thinking about it, instead of slowly leading myself into it like I had planned to. I need to stop, because I can't let myself go into that battle without the proper preparations... I know I'll regret it if I do.

Anyway, so I've been sick the past few days. Kind of came out of nowhere, so fast, that on the first night I had completely lost my voice and couldn't even manage a whisper. The thing that's good, is that Dylan has been awesome about having me switch shifts with people so I'm not having to go in when I first wake up, when it seems like my body is making up for all the misery I missed out on when I was sleeping. But what irritates me is Jenny. Ever since I came to the Baker Rd store, I have come in early, stayed late, and even came in on days off for the littlest of reasons, all because she asked me to.

She's been sick, she's had sick kids, she's had a kid get injured, her boyfriend hurt himself and wind up in the hospital, and alllllllll of those times, I jumped in to get the extra hours, and because I wanted to help her out. My BIGGEST mistake was thinking that when I got sick, like now, that she would return the favor at least ONE day. Come in early for me since we were dead as Hell and it was the first day so I was at my worst. Her excuse was that she had things going on after work so she couldn't come in even an hour for me. Now today she wants me to come in EXTRA early just so she can go see a movie with her kids!? Seriously!?

I was so sick and feverish and she wouldn't come in for one extra hour, but I'm supposed to hop in 3 hours early so she can see a movie? Nope. No. Not happening. She can wait til I get like I had to when she wouldn't come in for me. Screw her.

You know, ever since she got demoted to Assistant Managers it's like she has no fucks to give, and it's not fair that I'm having to pick up her slack. I'm not doing it anymore.

Onto a lighter note, things outside of work are going pretty okay. Xan is trying to get a job at my Domino's, and so far things are looking good for it, but we'll see. He's not getting anymore hours at the computer place, just keeps getting jerked around, so that's what made him finally start looking for something else. Nojuan's dad MIGHT be giving us a car, but I'm not holding my breath since that man is the king of procrastination unless it's something that benefits him, so who knows how long it will be until we actually get that.

But anyway, I've got stuff I'd planned to do before work, and before Nojuan wakes up, so I'm off to go work on it =).

Signing off,
Lily

So, I have 11 days until I meet Dr. Wendell for the first time... I don't think I've mentioned her before now... Looking back over the last few days, no I haven't mentioned her before... One thing I did mention before, was on the 20th of last a month I got a letter about a safety recall on my old Saturn, about the airbags not deploying in an accident. I mentioned how I was going to try to get some compensation due to the PTSD I've been suffering through since the accident. Well I called around and every lawyer I spoke with said that I needed to get medical proof that I had it. So I started looking.

Besides wanting proof that I've been suffering because of the accident, I also want to try to get some help with my problems. I can't really afford a Doctor, but I can't afford to keep suffering like I am, it's damaging my health in more ways than one. Besides, once I get myself started with her, I can get Nojuan in to see her since she also does things with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) patients, and she can help us prove that he does have it so we can try to get him some help of his own.

I'm nervous as Hell about this meeting with her on the 14th, since I have a pysch-phobia. My first introductions to shrinks wasn't the best of intros, so since then I can't even think of talking to one. This meeting already has my nerves rattled, and it's still over a week away. In a way I want it to get here as quick as it can, so I can be done and over with it... But to the other side of it, I don't want it to get here at all, so I can take my time getting to it, and not have to deal with it anytime soon. My fears rock my nerves to the core. It's so bad I could barely talk to the psychiatrist that was evaluating Nojuan for his BPD hearing. It wasn't even in relation to me and I had trouble dealing with it. I was glad I had the day off because Nojuan ended p having to drive us home since I couldn't make myself get behind the wheel. I was a shaking, drained mess, so I'm kind of glad the old Beaver downstairs is nice enough to give me rides.

Anyway, I might getting back into writing, but I'll keep you guys posted on that. I need to get some rest.

Signing off,
Lily